Abstract Expectations

So, I’ve been blocked for a while now, stuck in my head with projects I ” should do” and no real passion project in my mind.  And because I’ve been away from creating for at least a month or two, the fear of not performing well, of not creating something worth my precious time, was a hinderance on me.  But I didn’t want the structure of an online class project, I wanted to paint something fun and for me.

Yesterday at work, a friend and colleague gave me an idea for fun abstract portraits, something she had been meaning to so with photographs for a couple of years.  I got excited, and butterflies in my tummy.  I couldn’t picture the outcome, which was fabulously freeing, because when I have a vision of the finished project in my minds eye, I get stuck in the perfectionism loop of it never quite meeting my expectations.  But this, was such a different idea for me, I couldn’t imagine every detail.

I loved the sketch drawing as soon as I did it, and almost stopped there, because I didn’t want to ruin a cute thing.  But then I realized that I could totally do that again, and that by adding colour, it makes it more mine.  And gives me the pleasure of painting and playing with colour, something I’ve been craving.  And this is what came out of it on my first night.  

I used watercolour paper, so as not to have the pressure of making it something “worth while”.  It was just for me.  But I love the way it looks, I also know that by building the layers and colours that I can achieve even more joy and dramatic effect, so I do believe I will work on it again, and touch up some shadows and highlights.

This was fun, and freeing.  I let one move dictate the next.  And oh yes, there were a couple of ugly stages, but I didn’t let them bother me or hinder my joy.  I’m falling more and more in love with this, and I’m excited to do more!  The key to being freely creative is to let go of any expectations you may have.  That, for me, takes the joy away, and the whole purpose of creating is to experience freedom and joy.