I have learned many tools that I am using and working to incorporate into my daily life in order to create the life I so desperately desire. I am committing in 2019 to Shine Fearlessly…to be my true self and let the world know it, without fear of rejection. Sure, some people won’t understand or approve, but that is on them, not on me. I can no longer be the person I think I am suppose to be. I need to be ME.
It seems with every high comes a low equal in magnitude. So I am riding the waves, weathering the storm, and learning to dance in the rain. Every day, in every respect, I am getting better and better.
The most profound discovery I made was the other night, I realized that I feel guilty for wanting to make something of my art as a business. Because I am educated in health care, and I have a great job that I use to love, and I have the opportunity to help multiple people every single day. I make a difference in peoples lives, every day that I work at the hospital. And yet, I don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t feel satisfied. Instead, I feel drained and lacking. Even with knowing my job well, having done it for over 14 years, I have very little confidence or pride in my work anymore. I live in constant fear of making a life altering mistake for someone else. Always striving for perfection, never reaching it, and always questioning if I have done a good enough job. And this way of thinking is supported by the hospital environment and community. I feel like I am not important, I am not an individual there. I am replaceable. I am a worker bee, doing as much as humanly possible, ignoring my self care needs in order to take care of others to a level that is not maintainable. Burn out is real, folks. And leaves me feeling like I have failed, not just myself or my work, but the entire world and all the people that I love. It’s a heavy feeling.
I am focusing on knowing that my art also makes a difference to people. It speaks to people and reaches them on an emotional level. Whether it comforts them or reminds them of their strength and courage, or it inspires them. People can relate to my paintings, and know that they are not alone in this world. Many of my paintings have a dark and a light side to them, intentionally. Despite how dark it seems, there is always light. We witness and experience what we focus on. And sometimes we miss the light because we are focused on the dark, or the fear. But if we look to the light, and focus on opportunity, the dark won’t feel so daunting. In fact, we may not even notice it after a while. 🙂
How do you intend to shine fearlessly and be true to yourself in 2019?